Let’s Practice Empathy on Daily Basis!

Empathy. One lesson to summarize my psychology degree.

It is the basic and most important skill you need to have to be a psychology student — or psychologist if you want to pursue it. As we study human behaviours which are very complex — it requires an open mind, broad perspective, and a heart to care about people. In order to do that, you have to learn empathy. But, I wish it was not meant for psychology students only, I wish it is taught at school and in the workplace.

Theoretically speaking, empathy can be defined as “the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person, animal, or fictional character” (Psychology Today). To put it in a simple way — empathy means you are stepping in someone else’s shoes. You learn to be them.

But how? It will be easier if you already had a similar experience with the person, you just need to recall your memory and share it. But what if you have never been in that situation before? As simple as using your imagination, heart, mind, and feeling it to the bone. For a moment, you are not you, you are someone else. What would you think, feel, or behave when you are in their situation?

Empathy is a skill. Well, it’s also a gift for some people who were born with a selfless heart. But most of the time, it takes a lot of time to practice. Try the following examples:

Situation A

A toddler who cries non-stop because he wants some jelly and his mother doesn’t let him have one until he finishes his lunch (which is steamed vegetables that he hates so much). His mother doesn’t stop yelling while forcing him to eat. He starts to throw his toys at his mother

Situation B

Your little sister who is about to graduate from high school feels anxious to take The National Exam. She can’t sleep, studies too much, and become easily irritated. She is scared to be a failure to her family, getting a low grade, not being accepted to the most prestigious university, will not be able to get a decent job someday. It’s literally a doomsday.

Situation C

Your friend is about to open a new business, and she is stressing over her social media account. She doesn’t get the right username on Instagram, and she can’t decide what to write on the bio. She is frustrated to choose the right photos to show, while the current followers are only her close friends.

I don’t know about your answer for the example situations above, but if you “chuckle” while reading it and underestimate one of the scenarios… I am sorry but you need to practice more empathy!

It’s hard being empathetic when humans, after all, is a selfish creature. We are blinded by our own beliefs, values, and thoughts. It’s more likely to judge people than actually accept them for being human. Especially, if their behaviour or problem is something we are not able to relate to our own life. When we are on a comfortable journey of life, and we just can’t feel other people’s suffering so we say and do bad things to them. It will become difficult to understand others, as we are blinded by our own bias.

Bias will stop you from being empathetic. In order to understand human problems and their behaviour, you need to keep in mind that there should be no judgement at all. When you listen to other people’s problems and you find them odd to you (something that will you never ever do yourself), it’s not your duty to preach to them on which behaviour is right or wrong. For you, it might be wrong, but for them maybe that’s the right thing they can do. Remember, you are there to listen to them wholeheartedly. You are on the neutral side. So, never underestimate other people’s problems or situation. It can be their whole life without you even knowing. Imagine if other people despise your problem, you don’t want that right?

Remember the rules: No right or wrong. No big or small problem. No judgement. Each person has their own capability to handle emotions and stress. Different meanings of happiness and purpose of life. Different beliefs, values, traditions, or cultures.

Okay, so then why do we need empathy? As simple as connecting with other people. Humans need another human. We build a relationship with other people on daily basis. From parents, siblings, partners, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and even strangers you barely even know. Empathy can be used to maintain a healthy relationship — to show other people you are considerate and compassionate enough to care. Conversely, without it, the world will be a harsh place to live. It would be cold and lonely.

For extended use, empathy will be useful to keep harmony and peace in your groups and communities. Imagine, if you have that careless boss who doesn’t care if you get hospitalized for working long hours? Imagine, if your best employee performs badly that day and without you knowing he just lost his father? Or your club members don’t want to spend gathering at a fancy restaurant because it costs a lot of money while they are on a budget. Without empathy, effective communication, and compromise, a group won’t last for a long time.

Does being empathetic mean we are a hypocrite? No. After all, humans just want to be appreciated, heard, understood, and loved, right? We all need that kind of affection from other people. Practice empathy means we just being a human who cares about other humans, just how we want to be treated by others.

In reality, I know empathy is very difficult to practice. Especially, when you’re not in the best condition, and all you can think of is yourself. When the problem is something you have never experienced before — your friend, Karen complains to you about her family nearly bankrupt when you are the daughter of a successful businessman who has never ever been in a financial crisis. The problem will never you experience — your sister, Sarah is struggling with her body after giving birth when you are a guy. The problem seems “unimportant” — your cousin just got his Instagram account hacked while his profile is full of his selfies.

Always remember that doesn’t mean we should not abandon their problems, feelings, and emotions. As someone who doesn’t experience it, it’s our job to give fresh perspective in a good manner way. We shouldn’t yell, despise, or even say the obvious thing — “Oh come on, it’s just like that! It’s not the end of the world”. Remember, a different person has different kinds of problems and the capability to handle stress as the opposite you.

So, maybe next time when someone tries to talk to you about their problem, be empathetic a little? Show them, that you really care and are there to support them. If they want a solution — give the best advice you can give. If they just want affirmation — just don’t dictate to them what to do, be there and listen with a warm heart.

If only people practice empathy on daily basis, maybe this world becomes more peaceful and feels like home.

-NV

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Photos were personally taken during Yayoi Kusama Exhibition at Museum MACAN, Jakarta (2018)