Let’s laugh about life

I never thought I would be at this point in my life when I have to finally move to my own place. Well, I am living decent but far from what I used to have when I was still living with my mother or sister.

What’s funnier is I never thought I would have my own place this year. In my plan, I was going to study Master’s degree, I would be a clinical psychologist. So yeah, I imagined myself being jobless for another three years. But, I got rejected three times which was such an awakening experience for me.

I have never actually experienced a failure before. Well, I always have a strong belief that I can do anything, as long as I have the courage and passion. So yeah, I was disappointed that I would not be a psychologist. To think about it, it was stressful for me. The job. I like talking to people but I don’t think I am capable of talking with “troubled” people every day. I like helping people, but I don’t think I can help others when I could not sort myself out yet.

So instead of studying, I landed this job. I only get a minimum wage which is lower than my pocket money back then. It is a big money for a high school-college kid with no expenses, but now I have to think about my rent fee (which was paid in front), eating out, and buying household necessities (which are expensive). That money seems so little now.

Like finally, I realised this reality that I have been denying all my life: we need money for everything. For every little thing in our life. So yeah, that’s why adults work even if it is not something they are passionate about. As long as it pays the bill, then life must go on. It is sad, but that’s the harsh truth I have to swallow. I was always an idealistic girl thinking I could just write my novel, sitting inside an old cottage, sipping my hot cup of tea, with a meadow as my view from the window.

But, I need to wake up. Life doesn’t work that way.

My new job is something I have actually considered some point in my life. I am acting as an education consultant. It sounds fancy, but yeah I will guide them in choosing the right major, and university, and in the end, I will help them to apply and prepare everything for their study overseas. I feel a little bit like a psychologist, but it is a marketing job.

I am worried that I might not be competitive enough to earn a lot of money. I am just happy to talk with confused teenagers and guide them to a brighter future. I am not focused on selling the products which in my case are the partner universities. In the end, business is business.

I am not struggling to keep up with the jobs because thankfully I have a little bit of knowledge already about the education system, countries, and random facts. It helps me to be close with the students and the parents. But again, it’s not my job, I might get influenced by my “altruistic” trait, in the end, my real job is to sell the university. It’s a reality I hate, but well I need the money too.

Life is surprisingly funny.

For the past three years, I was just complaining about my “anxiety”, existential crisis, quarter-life crisis, and such thing. I cried almost every night in my room, why I don’t have the same kind of life as any other normal 25-year-old? It was harder because the world was in a global crisis and pandemic, and I have to adjust to so many things at once. I think it turns out to be my instinct to fight for my life. I could not just sit there, wishing my life would be better when I did not do anything about it.

Life is funny because I had a “sleeping problem”, I used to sleep around 2–3 a.m and got up at 9–10 a.m. Well, I never thought I would be here. I sleep from 23.00–23.30, I wake up at 7 in the morning, I cook my meals, I prepare my lunchbox, I clean my apartment, I walk to my office, and think about everything for my welfare which is exhausting but fun.

It’s like…. finally, I am living on my childhood’s dream! Those Hollywood movies I grew up watching, when they went home from work, shopping, hanging out with their friends. I slowly going in that direction in life. It is not as fancy as I might think, but this is only the beginning. I truly believe if I work harder, the result will pay off. So yeah, for now, I don’t want to overthink anymore.

Life is full of surprises.

I can’t deny the thought of living on my own rules is scary because I am a responsible adult now. I have no clue whether I can survive this world alone. But, I have to for the sake of my future. Whereas, when will I learn to be mature?

I know my comfort zone is so comfortable hence the name, but you learn the best from your outside territory, right?

So instead of worrying, I have to be grateful because my prayers are answered by God. I think He knows, I am ready for a greater challenge in my life. It’s both scary and crazy to think once you’ve manifested on yourself, self-fulfilling prophecy is real. You will become what you always wanted to be.

Just take it slowly, and enjoy the process.
I believe, this too shall pass.

Love,
Natasha