Change is OK

It took me 23 years old to realise that change is okay.

Yeah, that long.

You know in every soap-opera or romance movies when the protagonist says to their lover, “You have changed, I don’t recognise you anymore”. It bothers me so much. I too agree that we should not change. We should stay the same as who we are. We can’t act, think, or behave differently or else we are changing. We will contradict with ourselves.

In my mind, I have to be constant. I have to be the same myself since I’m 8 years old. My childhood dream needs to be fulfilled. My hobby needs to be consistent. My interests can’t be changed. My opinions are absolute. I have to be the version of myself that I always dream of. I thought it is the only way to hold on your self-identity.

I used to play the drums when I was a kid, so I was into rock music with fuss drum sounds in the background. I thought I was a cool girl who loves rock music. Until for the last few years, I realised I don’t enjoy listening to it anymore. I thought I lost myself. I will always be this girl who loves rock music. But I can’t help myself, with music streaming app taking control of our life — we can enjoy any kind of music in our playlist. Now, I listen to indie, pop-rock, EDM, classical, even Hip Hop as long as it’s catchy, uplifting, or relaxing to me.

It’s just one tiny example of my attitude toward change. Imagine the big ones.

The impact of my close view toward changing brings me to another stage of anxiety and series of overthinking. It makes me blame circumstances sometimes (that other people’s changing or the global world changes). I can’t lie that I struggle daily. It’s like my expectation doesn’t meet with the reality I’m living on right now. What I want is everyone around me behave the same. However, the world certainly doesn’t revolve around my needs or my command. It’s hard for me to accept the fact that: everything will change eventually. Whether we like it or not. Whether we are ready or not.

Our body grows, our mind changes, people around us come and go. Technology keeps growing. We don’t use Blackberry anymore or flip phones. We don’t necessarily have to go out to shop, we can do it at home now. We don’t rent DVDs anymore, now we can stream movies and TV Shows online. Fashion trends change every season — every decade. Back then, society is mean with certain communities but now diversity is encouraged everywhere.

I realise that change is sometimes necessary. You don’t want to have the same thought as your 12 years old self who has no clue about life. Who only thinks about boybands, puppy love, or being a spy as your dream job. It just seems irrelevant in your mid-20s to still stuck with unrealistic expectation when the reality already waiting outside your door. It sucks, but what else you can do?

Change might seem terrifying or need so much effort, but it’s inevitable. To move forward, we need a different strategy, we need to adapt, we need to see from a different perspective. Don’t you think we will always be in the right direction, in fact, it might lead us to a terrible place. Yes — sometimes it can be regressive — as if you moving backwards. We might turn worse — get stuck in bad habits. But, again it is possible to bounce back and be better. The sole key is to think of change as growth. You are growing from beginner to intermediate, from student to teacher, from apprentice to fully fit staff, from staff to manager, from childish to mature.

You will look back at your old self and think, “Wow, how can I be that stupid?”, “How I can be that naive?”, “Why, I don’t do it from years ago?” with a proud feeling of what you have done, what you are becoming to, and how you are capable of doing amazing things.

I am here to remind you: change is okay. It’s okay if you don’t like the same type of music as you used to be, pick up a new hobby, want different things from last year, do not enjoy your current situation and want to be in a new environment, or change your plan. Even it’s okay if you have different values now. If you used to eat red meat three times a day and become a vegetarian the next year. If you chase a partner in life rather than money. If you want a bigger responsibility and ready for it.

Life doesn’t have to be a straight line. It certainly doesn’t come out as we want all the time. On the contrary, life is constantly changing. Who knows in 2020, we will have to face the biggest problem in the 21st century? We have to adapt with the new normal, wearing a mask, keeping distance with strangers on the road, and minimize going outside our home.

Who predicts all of this? We want A in our life, the next thing you know B is the only option you have left. You think you’re going to be a scientist, but you fall in love with the marketing industry. We can be certain of our life, but unconsciously we take a different turn going to a different path. All we can do is be more self-reflective, widen our perspective, keep searching for what makes us feel happy, alive, and peaceful, therefore we will feel very much satisfied with the life we live and be useful in society or people close to us.

(Copied from my LinkedIn Article. All photos are from my personal files)