1 Reason to be Grateful

“You just want to be miserable and pity yourself forever, don’t you? If it’s not miserable then it’s not your life?” said my friend the other day.

I got slapped really hard that day. I kept thinking about it every day. It took me weeks to finally absorbed what she meant. She is right. I am very “uptight” for a young woman in her early 20s. I never really want to enjoy my life. I always find a way to make my life seem hard and miserable. For me, to be happy is a crime.

Overthinking is my biggest passion. If there’s a more complicated approach to life, I will take it. I always have doubts, worries, and fear. Regretting my past, not really enjoying the moment, and wondering about my future. I want to plan the best for my life, but it seems like I forget life is not fantasy, it’s reality. I get stuck in hesitation, without doing anything significant. I plan everything in my head so perfectly and not take actions. I procrastinate my own life. Maybe someday, but when is someday actually?

As if my life is not hard enough, earlier this year, I was “struck by lightning”. My life was flipped upside down. I was like, ‘what the hell was that?.”I was not in good condition (with health anxiety plus pandemic and quarter life-crisis), and then I got another problem. The biggest problem I have ever experienced in my life. It was very stressful that I felt numb. I couldn’t sleep. I lost my appetite (which indicates something is really wrong with me). I had to take sleeping pills to ease my mind and made me relax a bit. It was beyond my strength as a human being — to conclude that, I was strong enough to go through all of this because of my faith in God.

No, I am not going to preach about religion. It’s not my purpose for writing this article. To balance spiritually, I have to take a psychological approach. I use my knowledge of cognitive therapy and use it on myself. I have my own mantra now to keep me going and stay strong.

“Remember, you are just an ordinary human being. It’s not your job to think about every single person in this world, only God could do that”

“Life keeps going on whether you want it or not. So enjoy every second of it. Time won’t come back, cherish every moment, love people around you because without them you are just a lonely human being”

And the most important thing is I learn about gratitude. It’s very cliché yet people still can’t grasp it. It’s harder than it seems. But, it really helps me to relax. Life seems more enjoyable. Turn out, I have everything more than I need all this time. But why I keep overlook it and secretly want more and more? And, I always want to fast forward time as I am not enjoying the moment, and then watch my life passing by and then regret it later.

Often we take for granted our life. When our basic needs are fulfilled, we crave more things. Money is the easiest example. I mean who doesn’t want more money? Even if you have a good salary, you can still say it’s not enough. Because we will spend more if we have more, right? It will never be enough if you never really learn to appreciate what you have and say “I am blessed, this is enough.”

When we get something, we want more things. We get a job, we want to get promoted. We have a stable business, we want it to be a bigger business. We have a good friend, we want more friends. We have a loving partner- we can’t wait to get married and have kids. We have stuff A, we want stuff B which is more expensive and prestige. It’s just a never-ending chain.

Well, that’s enough of big examples.

Now, I want to ask you:

When did the last time you just take a nice walk, breathe the fresh air, feel the sun shines on your skin, hear the birds chirping, and feel grateful for it?

When did the last time you spend time with your family, watch a movie together, eat home-cook meals, exchange conversation, maybe share a laugh together, and feel grateful about it?

When did the last time you look at the ceiling of your room, wrapped in your warm blanket, relaxing on your bed, take a deep breath, and feel grateful about it?

I always thought — life is always about achieving big things. Focusing on achievement, reputation, “happiness”, and everything the world can offer. Maybe it’s my selfish and narcissistic nature to feel that way — that maybe someday I can change the world. What an idealist woman I am. It’s not impossible — but it’s not necessary either. I will still be alive. And after all, I am just one tiny human being among billions of people in the world. How silly, to think I am the only one who can change the world.

I realised life is as simple as we breathe. We exist. We are conscious of our surroundings. We are still given a chance to do something. Doesn’t have to save the world, maybe as simple as we clean the house — we cook good meals for the family — we show up at work to support our family. Some mundane things that we don’t really think about anymore. But, meaningful for other people. Essential to keep us alive.

I learn to just enjoy my life. Planning the future is good, but thinking our life has to turn out as exactly as we have planned is simply foolish. Nobody knows what will happen in the future, change of plan is very very common. Live the moment, if we hanging on, work hard every day, the good things will come to us eventually. We will reap what we sow. Be patient. Clearly, we can’t get everything right here right now. Just do things, anything the best you can do, overthinking won’t solve our problems.

And finally, remember, if you have 99 reasons to complain — just think of one reason to be grateful and you’re good to go. Learn gratitude every day. When you go to sleep, think of one reason to be grateful that day. It could be anything, even the smallest thing we like to overlook. I promise life is much more fulfilling when you are grateful. Always.

-NV